Popeadope

THIS IS WHAT HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE

So the Pope -- perhaps the most evil looking person on earth (see photo) -- recently announced that he believes condoms are a good way to "reduce the risk of infections" from STDs such as AIDS. Every person I know with motor-sensory perception immediately remarked, upon hearing such wizened words, "Yup." You'd think that would be the end of the conversation, no?

No. Apparently, conservative Catholics don't take too kindly to their faith acquiescing to reality, and they've spent every waking moment since Benedict's admission (that latex can beat up God) trying to explain it away. Some called for a more official announcement. Some, ignoring the irony of such a position, blamed faulty translation. And still others plugged their ears with their fingers and hummed their favorite hymn.

A knee-jerk reaction from some Catholics was to say that the Pope's use of a male prostitute in his hypothetical wasn't a change in Vatican policy. It just applies to dudes, the logic seemed to run. But soon after, the Pope's official spokesperson reported that he had asked Benny if the specific words used in his original statement (specifically, regarding the sex of the condom user) were important. The Pope replied, "No." You'd think that would stop the denials and finger-pointing, but no. It's still going on at all levels within the church.

Surprisingly, I was surprised. Mr. XVI seemed to finally own-up to one of the most damnable positions any group has ever taken on any issue, had finally said that condom use was at least a step in the right direction, had finally taken that arrow from the non-believer's quiver, and the response of much (but not all) of the Catholic leadership was to simply deny it had ever happened. Truly miraculous.